Abusive Relationships photo. Provided by Kevin Simmons on Flickr. https://www.flickr.com/photos/132826082@N06/33441808996
One in two women and one in four men have experienced some form of abuse from a loved one (The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). Abusers perform abuse in many ways, such as physical, emotional and social. Even if a victim or abuser does not realize it, all of these can harm someone
When experiencing abuse in a relationship, there is usually a cycle that occurs. This cycle has four stages: increased tension, verbal abuse, apologies, and a calm period. An abuser usually acts when tension is built up from outside stressors. These can be problems socially, a bad work day, fatigue or illness. The victim may attempt to calm their abuser to ease tensions and reduce the likelihood of harm.
Forms of Abuse
When abusers try to release the tension and feel like they have regained control, they can resort to things like trying to control behavior, use verbal downgrading, and gaining financial control instead of using a form of physical abuse. They can hurt someone physically or sexually, destroy belongings or threaten someone. However, women tend to use sexual intentions or threaten to take children away to try and control how their lover acts. While men typically use physical violence or verbal downgrading.
Attempted Reconciliation in Abusive Relationships
Once the abusers inflict abuse, they will start to feel remorseful and treat the victim with kindness. They will present the victim with gifts, loving gestures and compliments. In romantic relationships, it may seem as if the abuser never committed the abusive incident, or like the relationship has entered a honeymoon phase. When this happens, the victim may feel happier and give them a feeling that everything is back to normal.
In the calm period, both the abuser and the victim will find some sort of reasoning to excuse the behavior. These things can be blaming outside factors, assurance it will not happen again or denying it even happened. As the cycle repeats, the calm period will slowly disintegrate from the cycle until it is completely gone. Eventually, once the abuser makes up for the previous action of abuse, they will inflict another.
Victims tend to experience self-hate, panic attacks, paranoia, trouble sleeping and binge eating due to trauma. Health professionals often misdiagnose patients who experience abuse, making it harder for victims to receive help. For those who need help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at the number 800-799-7233.
